“Butt Glue? What the heck is Butt Glue?” That was my question at my first meeting. It was quickly explained that it was a magic glue bottle that you got to take home, and it had some sort of magic powers that made you sit down and write more. Can you see why I was hesitant at first? Obviously I wouldn’t literally glue my butt to the chair…that would ruin my pants and my chair. So how was this bottle of former Elmers Glue going to help me write more. I was intrigued. I reluctantly raised my hand when someone asked. “Who hasn’t had the Butt Glue.” I mean after all I started going to these meetings to put myself out there. To try to pursue my writing career. I will take all the help I can get.
Day one I took the glue home and showed the boyfriend. He was confused. After explaining to him what the Butt Glue was I sat it on my desk. After staring at it for a long while I asked myself these questions.
How did Barry get it to talk? How did Carol get “Fifty Shades of Butt Glue” to work? And how in the world is there an “Ode to Butt Glue.”
It surely is confusing. While I was sitting staring at this bottle that said “pass it on”, I decided maybe I should write. I didn’t keep track of the word count. It’s mostly revising editing, fixing. Whatever you want to call it, pain in the Butt Glue it is!
Day four: I am not seeing how the Butt Glue is helping, but boy am I getting a lot of writing done! I am so proud of myself. Not only do I have a lot of revisions done in my one manuscript, I have my new one outlined and ready to get started!
Day six: The Butt Glue found its way in my purse and followed me to work! Not good! Spent most of my lunch jotting ideas down on a piece of paper. Went back to work five minutes late…Thanks, Butt Glue.
Day whatever! This Butt Glue is weird. It’s like a drug or an addiction sitting on my desk…”Come on, sit down and write. All the cool kids are doing it.” It’s maddening!
I am trying to remember it’s just glue. It doesn’t have any magic powers…It is not forcing me to write. I am doing it on my own…Right? RIGHT!?
I am almost ready to call someone from the chapter to take this glue away. Its starting to freak me out. I didn’t even put it on my chair or anything. Yet I am drawn to my chair and I am stuck to it for hours! If my fur kids didn’t save me when their tummies grumbled I would still be in my chair.
Night seven: Ok I don’t know how…I don’t know why. Butt Glue found its way to my nightstand and isn’t letting me sleep! Ideas swimming around my head while Butt Glue laughs at me…seriously, how is it laughing at me! Its glue! This is suppose to be symbolic, not literal.
I have lost all track of time…The Butt Glue is in my desk drawer. It kept staring at me. I needed some time to think. I can’t seem to think of anything but my book. While I am at my desk I work on some more writing. I can hear the Butt Glue sighing with relief. It has won.
If I am not by my desk Butt Glue follows me. I tried locking it in a closet, the drawer, a box. It finds its way back to my desk. Everyone made it sound so sweet and kind…They were wrong. Butt Glue is a bully! Always making me write… Like I don’t have anything else to do. I know even if I give it back…Its Butt Glue spirit will still be here. On my desk. Waiting.
Believe it or not. Butt Glue works….Proceed with caution.
You have been warned.
** Contributed by Casey Cook
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