Ode to Butt Glue

Ode to Butt Glue
©Beverley Baker (with permission)

Those words leaped out at me from the midst of a pleasant party haze of year-end reports and congratulations.

OMG, as the teenagers text, this is no matter for LOL!

Should I have stood up and confessed, mea culpa, that I don’t have a work in progress right now, that I’m not eligible for the Butt Glue Challenge? I can’t count the three chapters I dashed off early in the year after Dylan’s impassioned presentation of the Writer’s Road Map to Success. Those chapters did not become my PYM. Nor can I count the 369 words I wrote on November first, which did not magically morph into a NaNoWriMo project.

As for the road map and passport, I did achieve some of the suggested goals but the chef d’oeuvre I hoped for never happened, mainly due to my computers. My old, faithful XP laptop behaves like a loved one with early dementia. I never know what to expect. My new Windows 8.1 still has me bewildered and my latest expensive, mysterious toy, the iPad is so far beyond my grasp. I envy those who regard their computer as a simple tool just as I do my car with its automatic transmission. I never have to be concerned about what happens under the hood—it just goes and all I have to worry about is driving. Those dashboard instruments never change into messages like ‘the program needs to close’ or ‘connection to the server has failed’ or ‘there may be a problem with…’

Despite a shelf full of User’s Manuals (some ‘for Dummies’), and despite my joining Users’ Groups and Library classes and even hiring a computer tutor, I am still struggling.

At the Holiday Party, we learned that not everyone had met the Passport Goals or completed the PYM, but we were assured that “you don’t have to win to be a winner”. So I have decided to call this unproductive year “a year off”. Actors between roles are said to be “on hiatus”, academics are “on Sabbatical”, (for laborers it’s “unemployment”). Although I am taking a break, a cast of characters is still plotting and twisting in the back of my mind, just not on paper yet.

All the great self-help groups, from AA to Weight Watchers find room in their programs for those who are not always successful. Some fall off the wagon, some gain an extra five pounds, but it is not the end of the program. There is always another chance. So I still have hope of getting my computer to do what I need to succeed.

I have tried WW. I have not needed AA but I am familiar with their well-known prayer for Serenity.

Has the Butt Glue helped? Well, yes and no. No, it has not inspired me to write a lot of words every day this month. But yes, it has helped me to take a serious look at what the Serenity Prayer calls “the things that can be changed and those that cannot” and asks for “the wisdom to know the difference”.

I thought that no one would ever know that I was not writing. Then, there I was, caught with my …um… word count down. Perhaps the kick-in-the-pants of the Butt Glue Challenge will give me the boost I need to adjust to the newer technology and swim with the Mermaids again.

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Beverley Baker

Charter Member
Beverley Baker

Webmaster’s Note: If you missed Beverley Baker’s amazing poem, “Ode to Butt Glue,” on the SSRA Members Only Yahoo! Loop, you’ll have to go read it on her website: BeverleyBaker.com. Thanks, Beverley!

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